Right-Wing Trannie Ann Coulter Loves Right-Wing Blacks

Ann Coulter is the right wing's #1 trannie. She is also Fox News's #1 trannie, the Internet's #1 trannie, and the #1 trannie of nine out of ten dentists (that other guy prefers Orly Taitz). Anyway, when a top-tier aging right-wing trannie talks about black folks, people listen. Because it's bound to be hilarious.

So Ann claims that "our blacks" are so much better than "their blacks", which is self-evidently true, because, come on, Herman Cain? Alan Keyes? Allen West? These are grade-A, top-shelf super-blacks who are not at all crazy or dumb or in any way sociopathic. There's also Michael Steele, who has the best porn name in American politics, though he's disappointingly coherent and likable. But still, he's ten times better than "their blacks" because he tastes like dark, small government chocolate.

In conclusion, Ann Coulter's neck still, even after all these years, looks like the shaft of an erect penis.

This Trannie Should Be New York's Next Governor, Obviously

Kristin Davis is not messing around in her direct mail pieces, not at all. You may recall I received this one on Monday and I fell in love with it for its glamour and pizzaz. Well, the one I got yesterday is even more gay, if you can believe it. And I don't just mean esthetically. I mean Lady Davis calls out Andrew Cuomo for being limp on gay marriage. And she uses the word "homo" in her tagline:

Vote Homo
Not Cuomo

And she prints the word "homo" in rainbow colors, yay!

Sure, the logic behind her tagline is a little bizarre, just like yesterday. Is she saying she's a homo? She sure looks like a trannie. Maybe she's saying she's an honorary homo, because she looks like such a trannie? (Or because she supports the gays, whichever.)

In any case, if Kristin Davis doesn't become New York's next ex-governor, she should AT THE VERY LEAST be given her own variety show at LipsNYC and her own talk show on Bravo.

The Great "Madonna is a Trannie" Debate Continues (Begins?)

God bless the Associated Press caption writers. Sometimes they are understandably confused.

As an important power player in the New York publishing world, I obviously receive the AP's daily email blasts of notable photos that I should know about and perhaps bring up in strategy meetings (catered by Dunkin Donuts and sadness). Not any old person can gain access to these precious images. You have to sign up and create a password!

Anyway, I received the above image of Madonna and boytoy Jesus in my inbox this morning along with a caption that gave voice to an unresolved issue in 21st-century Madonna-ology. It's clear that the overworked monkeys in the AP caption-writing salon have one thing in common with all of us human primates: we just aren't clear on what gender classification to give Madge these days. As Liz Lemon says, Madonna's arms are crazy! She's more man than my boyfriend Jimmy is, and I don't think he would dispute that. (I would let him speak for himself but he's at the beauty parlor getting a weave.) This is why you end up with AP captions like this:



I just can't believe that the Associated Press is suggesting that our Lord Jesus is a gay trannie lover. Sarah Palin's Facebook response in 4, 3, 2, ...

Rodent-faced Dungeon Master Rudy Giuliani Making This Great Horned Owl Hungry

Good news, fans of the cuniculus undead: rat-faced troll Rudy Giuliani is doing the media rounds (well, the Fox media round) to complain about the Obama administration's plans to hold New York trials for the 9/11 conspirators. You'll be shocked to find out that after the World Trade Center Bombing in 1993, he held a completely different view! Watch this Daily Show clip, for proof:

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Law & Order: KSM
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Health Care Crisis

But that's not the biggest Giuliani news. SeeTimBlog can now confirm that the former NYC mayor's rodent-like face, oily outer coat, and long serpentine tail are making the above Great Horned Owl from Texas extremely hungry.

After seeing Giuliani's verminous face on Fox News, the owl was heard remarking to himself in the trees "God, I feel like I haven't eaten in freaking months after seeing that delicious piece of hell trash."

The owl went on to say that he hadn't seen "such a good looking plate of weasel relish since the '08 Republican presidential primary."

After being pressed, the owl did admit that it's their complete lack of self awareness that makes Republicans more tasty.

Tranny Report: Rio!

You know, the best trannies are the ones that give you pause and make you carefully consider the truth about their below-the-belt genetics. Looking at the lovely Gracyanne Barbosa, queen of the drums' section of Mangueira samba school in Rio, I was thoroughly convinced, without reservation, that I was looking at a beautiful woman. Then I looked at her midsection and the myth was thoroughly busted. Those have to be the scariest abs I've ever seen--scarier than Madonna's arms. So scary, in fact, that the pink-clad Brazilian elf who is supposed to be standing beside her is crouching behind her plumage, fearing for his life and the life of his chiffon. He's right to be scared, I think; those abdominals look pissed.

Investigative Reporting at its Finest: NY Observer Finds That NBC's Andrea Mitchell is Loved by the Gays

Ye Olde Nellie Queens over at the New York Observer are sure in a tizzy. They're very excited about their new scoop about NBC correspondent Andrea Mitchell and her secret gay appeal, and they don't hold back on any of the unique phraseology so beloved by ALL gays, or at least those from the Old School of Gay Indoctrination. You can't swing a Madonna album without running into the word "sassy," "flawless," "platinum blonde," "diva," "quiche," and "bathhouse."

So the Intrepid Gay's assignment, apparently, is to get to the bottom of the alleged fondness of gay men--as a homogenous group, who all love the same things, obviously--for Ms. Mitchell. He talks to lots of gays who are more than willing to opine on why she fits the mold of a gay icon. Here's an actual quote from one of them, talking about why he friended her on myspace!

“I actually saw her profile on another gay guy’s MySpace and I saw her picture and I was just drawn to it,” he said, as we began salivating. “I can’t say why, but I just instantly added her. I never really heard of her before and I can’t say I really know who she is. I just went for it.”

Gays know these things instinctively--we don't need to be told. It's why Ann Coulter's Neck is also a beloved gay icon. It just seems like it should be.

But why?! WHY? Why is Ms. Mitchell such a furious fag magnet? the Intrepid Gay wants to know. Is it because she's gotten bitchy with Barbara Walters, shacked up with a rich and powerful older man (Alan Greenspan), been plagued with a ginormous nose in a business that rewards facial blandness, or emerged swanlike from the horror of being a brunette in the 80s? We don't find out, but if the Observer had bothered to ask me, I could have easily settled this for them. It is for none of the above reasons that she is a secret gay icon.

It's obviously because she has an indestructible blonde wig with its own missile defense system. And also she's a tranny.