Get Ready to Roll Your Eyes

Oh, Jesus, New York Post, you really are the worst, aren't you? When I saw this headline today I just about choked on my own tongue. Are you kidding me?

As some of you may know, there's a new book out called The Obamas that dishes some dirt on the supposed friction between Michelle Obama and members of the administration, particularly hot rod Rahm Emmanuel. (It is extremely important and relevant to note here that this book currently sits a mere four slots above my own book about the Obamas, Tune in Tokyo, on Amazon's Kindle nonfiction top 100 list OMG.) The White House has responded to the headlines this book has generated by downplaying the drama, and part of this effort was Michelle Obama doing a sit-down interview with, for some reason, Oprah's best friend Gayle King. During this interview, our FLOTUS said this (copied directly from the Post):

“But that’s been an image that people have tried to paint of me since, you know, the day Barack announced that I’m some angry, black woman.”

This is true! Remember the legend of the Michelle Obama "whitey" videotape that every right-wing reptile was dying to get their hands on? (And by the way, like I said, I copied and pasted the above quotation directly from the Post's website. Notice how they cheekily left out the comma that should go after the word announced so basically it looks like she's saying that Barack announced that Michelle is some angry black woman. Nice touch, guys.)

Anyway, so of course the media are going to cover this response of hers, and unfortunately the New York Post is classified as "the media," so of course we were bound to see something about this on the famously right-wing daily's front page this morning. And what did the bilious baboons over at the Post decide was the best headline for this story? That's right: Mad as Hell Michelle!

I bet the Post newsroom smells like a high school cafeteria.

Michelle Obama: First Lady of Dancing

Fellow citizens, the day has finally come, after so many depressing years, when the First Lady of the United States will finally return to the White House the ideals of fantastic dancing. Sure, it's a little weird to watch this video of Michelle Obama dancing with her two daughters at her birthday party, surreptitiously filmed by the AP. It's always awkward to watch adults dance with children. They usually look like goons.

But what I take away from this video is the conviction that Michelle Obama is not going to be reduced to awkward, gangly pre-teen dance moves just because of the crowd she's rolling with. No, no. She can't hide what she is. And what she is is a dancing mom the nation can be proud of. Suck on that, Barbara Bush.

Our great country has not seen dancing this true, this solid, this important, since Eleanor Roosevelt introduced a scandalous high kick and jazz hands into the fox trot in 1933.

Controversial New Yorker Cover Misrepresents Size of Oval Office!

This is beyond the pale! The Oval Office is not that small. Michelle can barely sling her guns in that room! And where is Obama supposed to build a cave where he can teach his two daughters how to build IEDs?! Where is the outrage?!

Once again, it's up to SeeTimBlog to set the record straight. The correct dimensions of the Oval Office are 35' 10" (major north-south axis), 29' (minor east-west axis), and 18' 6" (height), with a 16' 7" line of rise (the point at which the celing starts to arch). Everyone knows this!

Why are the New Yorker editors and artists such liars? I mean, I understand artistic license, but this is ridiculous.

Historic: Michelle Obama's Husband One Step Closer to Becoming America's Next President

Last night's clinching (love that word) of the Democratic nomination by Michelle Obama's husband is historic for so many reasons. Most importantly, though, it marks the first time that I have ever wanted to see a Democratic presidential nominee naked.

Americuh, pleeeeeeease make this woman our next First Lady. She already has the hair. What more convincing do you need?!