Saturday, September 27, 2008

Department of the Ill-Advised: Tim and Stella Live-Blog the Debate!

Ok, I'm trying this stupid live-blogging thing out because at the last minute my debate-watching plans fell through. (It involved a sports bar, Times Square, and so many blowjobs.) This will be the last ever presidential debate before we are all swallowed up by Chinese Iranians, so what the hell. Anyway, I reserve the right to delete this entire post if things go horribly wrong. I also might just stop. Because I plan on getting wasted with my cat. And yes, that is Svedka vodka. It's good, bitch.

9:01 - That debate set looks so ominous. Horrible things are going to happen there.

9:03 - First question. Quote from somebody famous, like Napoleon Bonaparte, about Wall Street. Obama answers. Need oversight. He's got his bullet points ready. First Golden Parachute mention! Ooh, followed by a swipe at McCain. Drink!

9:06 - McCain not feeling too good these days. Makes an age joke about himself! Too bad the audience was warned not to applaud, yell anything, or roll their eyes too loudly. He's rambling.

9:08 - Do they favor the plan? Obama is optimistic. But how did we get here? (Homos and terrorists, duh.)

9:13 - McCain giving "the American worker" a taint lick. Feels so good. Yay! Earmarks are gateway drugs! Jimmy's just gone out to get us some of those!

9:16 - Obama hits back. He interrupts the old man. "Honky, please."

9:20 - Why does Jim Lehrer keep telling them to talk directly to each other? They're not freaking fifth graders.

9:23 - Obama is scorching when he says "loopholes."

9:26 - McCain hates Obama so much. He and Hillary are getting together later to do each other's hair and talk shit about him.

9:30 - Liveblogging is hard. McCain just made a dig at Obama being a lefty. Stella just threw up. Obama smacked him back.

9:36 - EXPERIMENT OVER!! Gotta eat my pizza, get another drink, and read other live blogs. Also I'm tired of typing.

9:45 - I'm resurging. Damn, Obama just smacked McCain. Oh shit, McCain's started another fucking story. The entire audience wants to go refill their drinks. He just said "Iraqi freedom." I thought that phrase was abandoned a few years ago.

9:50 - Why did I ever decide to do this? I'm going to start a live blog about the idiocy of live blogging. Watch for that.

9:57 - Yes, by all means, please tell us another fucking story, Gramps. He has a record. He has a record. He has a record. I've never wanted to hit an old man before. (Well, not since I was released.) But I want to hit this man. He's been talking for about three weeks now.

10:29 - A hundred years have passed. When is Obama going to take his shirt off? I wanna see some of that.

10:30 - Sorry, got to wonk out here: missile defense, a major reason for the end of the Cold War? That's what McCain just said. Does he ever get tired of making shit up?

10:39 - Thank God it's over. Enter the pundits. My dob is jone.

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