Parties I Should Have Been Invited To: An Evening with Heart, Los Angeles

How did I not know this was happening? Last night! And they apparently have a new album coming out! Will it suck? Probably! But who cares? I could happily listen to Ann Wilson sing a Sarah Palin speech. And as long as Nancy Wilson keeps fucking her guitar during the guitar solos, I think we'll all be satisfied.

In conclusion, Heart will play "Alone" at Jimmy's and my gay wedding, which will take place at their next NYC CD signing.

Ann and Nancy Wilson Will Bitchslap Sarah Palin

Oh shit, that Palin broad has done gone and pissed off the Wilson sisters. Ann and Nancy Wilson, the Seattle sisters who wrote and performed the absolute best power ballads of the 80s, also wrote a little track in the '70s called "Barracuda." Well, last night (or whenever) Sarah Palin, whose nickname in high school or tae kwon do class or the circus or the Teamsters or the PTA or whatever was "Sarah Barracuda," was strutting around to the strains of this feminist hard rock classic at the end of the Republican National Convention and when the Wilson sisters found out about this they looked at each other, flicked their hair out of their eyes, scowled, and emitted a resounding "Bitch, please."

Reads their official statement:

"Rock Group Heart Condemn The Use of The Song Barracuda at The Republican Convention. Ann and Nancy Wilson of Heart have informed the McCain/Palin Campaign that Universal Music Publishing and Sony BMG have sent a cease-and-desist notice to not use one of Heart's classic songs "Barracuda," as the congratulatory theme for Sarah Palin. The Republican campaign did not ask for permission to use the song, nor would they have been granted that permission. We have asked the Republican campaign not to use our music. We hope our wishes will be honored."

And then, because these sisters are pissed, they released another statement saying

"Sarah Palin’s views and values in NO WAY represent us as American women. We ask that our song ‘Barracuda’ no longer be used to promote her image. The song ‘Barracuda’ was written in the late 70s as a scathing rant against the soulless, corporate nature of the music business, particularly for women. (The ‘barracuda’ represented the business.) While Heart did not and would not authorize the use of their song at the RNC, there’s irony in Republican strategists’ choice to make use of it there."

Yay for the Wilson sisters, feminiminism, and calling a bitch out!

Jukebox: "Alone" by Heart (1987)

Has there ever been a more desperately in love woman on the face of the Earth than Heart's Ann Wilson? The woman is beside herself with yearning and it is killing her. She's sitting in the dark listening to the ticking of the clock and wearing a black veil, for God's sake. And who is this schmuck that refuses to answer his phone, leaving our Ann to wonder whether she'll once again be forced to face another night alone on the balcony, her heart brimming with pain and solitude, with only her sister Nancy's exploding piano to keep her company?

You know, til now, Ann had always been fine on her own. But then she met this guy and he turned her world upside down. Worse, he keeps bringing his friends on his dinner dates with her, so she's never even had an opportunity to tell him how she feels. Every time she tries to corner him at the salad bar, he pretends that he doesn't hear her. How can you not hear Ann Wilson when she's singing at you?!

Yes, this song is about flakey men and the angelic voiced women that they string along. I hear you, Ann. I've been there, God knows. And, as much as I love sister Nancy (can't count the ways), I do think it's a little insensitive of her to continually hump and writhe against her guitar while her sister stands beside her in such turmoil. But she certainly redeems herself with one of the loveliest guitar solos of the 80s. And the video ends on a positive note: the ladies standing together looking at each other as if to say, "We're gonna get through this."

And of course they did. There were more power ballads to write.