Friday, December 19, 2008

Finally, the True Story of Baby Santa Jesus on Display

I know from nativity displays, y'all. My mother is one of the world's premier collectors of nativity scenes of all sizes and shapes, which she puts out every year to complement her singing moose-head wreath and her creepy life-size Christmas gnome that swings from the banister. But none of the tens of thousands of nativity scenes owned by my mother really tells the true story of the real circumstances of baby Santa Jesus's birth in that manger those hundred or so years ago.

And the truth is this: the savior of mankind was NOT born in a stable. That is a complete myth that has been passed down as gospel fact through the years by the likes of Rick Warren, Fox News, and A Charlie Brown Christmas. The manger part is true, as is the presence of swaddling clothes. And there were kings, a virgin, and myrrh (and cows and sheep). But, and I can’t emphasize this enough—there was no stable. What there was was a giant hollowed out French batard. Yes, a moist, warm, buttery batard loaf hosted the birth of our savior.

This is the delicious truth.

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