Sunday, October 12, 2008

An Open Letter to Rachel Maddow

Ok, here we go, Rachel. I'm pleased as punch with the success of your new MSNBC program and I have high hopes that you will rise to the occasion every night and maybe even become the country's best ever cable pundit. My admiration and respect for you is documented on this very blog. So I'm saying this out of love: what the flip are you doing dressed like Harry freakin' Potter on the Tonight Show?!

We get it, Rachel. You're a lesbian. I love that. We all love that. America is slowly but surely falling for the charms of the Sapphic set, what with Ellen dancing her way into the entire country's heart and Clay Aiken recently coming out as a total dyke, but Rachel. Come. On. You look like you just peeled yourself off of your lesbian couch, where you sat eating lesbian Doritos and sipping lesbian Remy Martin while watching lesbian DVD sets of The L Word. This is The Tonight Show, woman! Make an effort!

It's like my colleague/friend (froleague?) Hilary said: "Hey Rachel, kd lang called, she needs her shirt back...from 1990! This is Big Girl Television--act like it."

In closing this open letter, I'd just like to say that I kind of admire your willingness to go on television looking like a big ole dyke scrub. That's kind of cool in a way. But, you know, it's about time high profile lesbians displayed a little bit of glamour. No one's asking you to be Portia di Rossi. But....sneakers? Really? A cowboy shirt? Are you going to clear brush after the show? Is it too much to ask you to just put on a pair of sensible flats, a nice blazer, and some slacks? And, uh, contacts?

Jesus, it shouldn't be this hard.

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