Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Scabies: The New Terrorism

I do realize that everyone across this great nation is completely wrapped up in the election and is, like me, spending the day gnawing on their hangnails and otherwise finding new ways to make themselves bleed. But there are some important issues this country is facing that have fallen through the cracks during this campaign season and that absolutely must be addressed and soon. Issues like scabies.

My friend in North Carolina is an Income Maintenance Caseworker II in Food and Nutrition Services (food stamp caseworker, duh) and she recently sent this email to me:

So as I might have mentioned, in the course of my current employment, I have been mocked, ridiculed, screamed at, cussed at, spit on, punched, kicked and had my life threatened, but whatever, all in a day's work.

Also, during that time, I have sat across the table from (countless) liars, thieves, gang bangers, drug dealers, child abusers, prostitutes, drug addicts, woman beaters, rapists, child pornographers, pedophiles, attempted murders and actual murderers, but yesterday I reached my personal limit. A client came in with the worst case of scabies I have ever seen, and I refused to interview her until she had gotten treatment. I mean, seriously, murder is one thing, but bugs...hell, no.

So obviously, my friend has dealt with a LOT of psychotic Republicans on food stamps. But scabies is just a bridge too far (to nowhere!). It's like Rick Warren asked of the two presidential candidates at his retarded self-aggrandizing forum at his stupid Saddleback megachurch last August: "Do scabies exist, and if they do, do we ignore them, do we negotiate with them, do we contain them or do we defeat them?" McCain said we should defeat them, which, duh, we should. But who really thinks that McCain-Palin is going to be able to forcefully yet intelligently deal with the scabies threat?

Obama was once the king of Kenya, where he successfully triumphed during the Great Scabies Infestation of 1998 (which interestingly happened at the same time as Monica-gate) by lowering taxes on the middle class. We can trust him to deal with all our bugs.

Yes he can.

No comments: