Tuesday, May 27, 2008
What Do the Dead-Eyed Zombie Ladies in the Evista Commercial Want From Me?
Are they after my cat? My Blondie CDs? My viola? My Pedro Almodovar box set? I don't know, but one thing is for certain: they want something and these women who are at risk of invasive breast cancer will not stop staring at me until they get it. But I won't give up easily.
Look, hot grandma, I don't care how creepily sexy you are. YOU CAN'T HAVE MY STUFF! NO! LOOK AT SOMEONE ELSE!
Good God, these women are relentless. Now they've moved things inside and are just popping out of doorways all over the place. Wait a minute. Mom? Is that you on the far right? For God's sake put some clothes on, you're embarrassing me!
Ok, you're kind of cute for a zombie, but--NO! MUST RESIST!
Madam, are you even alive? Jesus, try a little bit.
Ok! Ok! You can have Parallel Lines, AutoAmerican, and The Hunter, but NOT my Japanese edition of Eat to the Beat with the bonus tracks. No way. Get your own. Hell, I'll even throw in one of my old Adam Ant records on vinyl, if you want. And you can maybe have my cat Stella on every other Wednesday and Thursday, but that's the best I can do. Just. Stop. Staring. And for the love of God, no smiling.