"Heeeey! Yeah, I'm hear at my sister's wedding and stuff. Do you like my Breck Girl pose? Thought you would. Of course, y'all recognize my Daddy, the President of America. On his left is the bride, my sister Jenna, the President of Weddings. She looks so pretty when she's sober! And last but certainly not in any way less than the sum of all of our parts, there's my mom next to me, the Presidentress of Pills and Pretty Dresses. Mom really knows how to kill the pain. Whenever she gets down about daddy's low approval ratings, she washes down a few Vicodin with a shot or two of Robitussin and spends the early morning hours giving White House tours to Life/Style journalists that only she can see. It's so cute.
"You know, some people think that Jenna and I will be mainly remembered for underage drinking, being asked to leave countries where we're vacationing, and killing dead the modern conservative movement at the 2004 Republican Convention. That's so not fair. We also invaded Iraq and partied with Ashton Kutcher. Don't whitewash history, you guys.
God, I'm hungry. I'm gonna go get some Cheez-its at the hors doeuvre table. You guys want anything?"
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