Wednesday, August 13, 2008
So Long, Chastity!
My bike Chastity recently had a nervous breakdown on Bleecker Street and had to be released back into the wild. She was no longer happy carrying my gay ass to and from work every day, so after some soul searching I realized she needed to be with someone who could better take care of her, maybe just use her to go to the grocery store a few times a week.
And, yes, Chastity is a girl’s bike, so what? In fact, she’s the girliest bike I’ve ever had (and that’s obviously saying something), even girlier than the light brown Desperado bike with the banana seat my dad got me when I was 13 that alienated me from the entire neighborhood, causing me irreparable social damage.
Anyway, I’m happy to report that, after I took her chain off for the last time and left her sleeping peacefully at a bike rack at Bleecker and Lafayette, it took less than a few hours for some thief to spirit her away and claim her as their own.
Farewell, sweet Chastity. Sorry about calling you a “useless piece of shit” that one time, but parents make mistakes!
Chastity just wants to be left alone.