Thursday, August 28, 2008

Gay Panic at David Barton Gym in Chelsea

I don’t know if you realize this, but homosexuality was invented in the Chelsea district of Manhattan many years ago. Most people are under the impression that the gays got their start in ancient Greece, but that’s because Wikipedia is wrong. No, the very first anonymous blowjob delivered by a dude happened on 8th and 21st in the 3rd century BC. A memorial to this very first gay polesmoke would later be erected and called The Blue Store, where you can now buy porn, lube, chaps, butt plugs, and gum.

Anyway, gay blowjobs are a dime a dozen in Chelsea these days, and so are gay lattes, gay dogs, gay fruit stands, and gay and gay friendly gyms. My two and a half regular readers might remember that I recently went to a Logo Channel premier party, the gift bag for which included a free two-week trial and complimentary training session at David Barton Gym, the premier gym for NYC’s hottest Nancy Boys.

Now, I haven’t been a member of a real gym since I lived in Tokyo nearly 8 years ago and had an evening membership at Tipness gym in Shinjuku, which was a little bit gay but not nearly as gay as the Tipness gym in Roppongi. Anyway, since then I’ve muddled through with memberships at various YMCA’s and public lapswim pools (because usually I’m poor), and I’m currently a member of the YMCA in Greenpoint, Brooklyn, which is blessed with a delectable collection of rough and tough Polish meatheads yet, sadly, is probably the least gay gym within a hundred mile radius.

So it’s been a while since I’ve had to brazenly display myself at a gym where everyone looks like a manicured porn star, so I'm a little gun shy. (See what I did there?) I don’t know about you, but when I visit a porn set, I’m generally either roundly ignored or asked to go fetch the fluffer, so I fully expect to be treated in the exact same fashion at DBG.

Whatever, I've activated my two-week membership at the David Barton Gym on 23rd and signed up for a training session with Jeff Stryker. I’ll let you know how it goes.

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