Republican Hunger Strike Not Going as Planned

As you know, a handful of clever Republicans recently declared a hunger strike to protest Obama's socialist agenda for America and the Middle East. They stood on the Capitol steps and vowed to not eat a single crumb until Obama had solved Iraq, Afghanistan, the deficit, the mortgage crisis, unemployment, and pig AIDS without hurting small businesses. But though they were smugly confident that the White House would not let them starve, they are probably giving their whole approach to policy making a rethink. Because, see, they now have not eaten in weeks, and no one--not one single person--has offered them as much as a Hot Pocket for their troubles. Perhaps they should have organized a sit-in at the congressional cafeteria instead? (They have Freedom Fries.) Eric Cantor is starving!

Senator James Inhofe (left) looks terrible but Kay Bailey Hutchison (right) looks worse.

Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh said they could not participate in the strike because they had just ordered a big tub of cheese fries when it was announced and anyway, they're just entertainers.