Wednesday, June 24, 2009
New Republican Sex Scandal, Hooray!
Dear Lord, this is a spectacular achievement in FAIL. Mark Sanford, Republican governor of South Carolina, has just admitted that he wasn't practicing family values on the Appalachian Trail like his staff has been promising us over the past few days. He was actually in Argentina blowing off steam. And in Republican-speak, "blowing off steam" translates to "I've been unfaithful to my wife and I've developed a relationship with what started as a dear, dear friend from Argentina." He just said that at a press conference, for real.
This whole episode has unfolded as if it had been choreographed by the Keystone Cops. When he first went missing, his wife had no idea where we was but, apparently, wasn't worried because he wanted to get some writing done or whatever, who cares? Then his staff started issuing statements that of COURSE they know where he is, he's hiking or something or maybe not, but we KNOW, ok? Then there's the parked car at the Columbia airport and the parked car at the Atlanta airport and the sheepish vague denials that anything is weird, and...this story is exhausting, but so good (and horrible, of course, for the family).
What kind of dumb a**hole goes missing for a week to sleep with some Argentinian hussy on Father's Day when he's got a wife and kids at home? This is beyond Elliot Spitzer "wanting to get caught" psychodrama. Did he put a video of their Buenos Aires bedchamber of horror up on xtube yet? Jesus. (I wouldn't mind seeing that, actually, cz he's kinda hawt for a governor. Send links, pls.)
All of that said, Buenos Aires is a beautiful place to have an extramarital affair. Jimmy and I went there last year for our 10th (11th?) anniversary and had a ball. Ours is an extramarital affair, see, cause we can't get married. (Thanks, breeders.)