I'm Worried About What Life Will Be Like When This Jar of Dark Chocolate Dreams Is Gone

As a type 1 diabetic for over twenty years, y'all, my biggest fear—besides having an insulin reaction while hang-gliding in the Amazon and crash-landing into a pterodactyl's nest—is having an insulin reaction ANYWHERE and not having any sugary food-type thing I can stuff into my mouth to get my blood sugar up to a normal level. In this nightmare I have, I will be alone in the dark—in a forest, in a linen closet, in a fallout shelter, in the hatch on Lost—and I will slowly, sweatily expire as I search in vain for a sugary snack. It could happen!

To make it less likely that this awful thing will ever happen, Jimmy and I always make sure to have plenty of treats in our cabinets. These include Nutella, Little Debbie Zebra Cakes, and/or some cake icing. And ice cream. But I came home two nights ago to find a new treat that Jimmy had bought at the fancy grocery store in Williamsburg: Peanut Butter & Co.'s No Stir Natural Dark Chocolate Dreams. This thing I just typed is so much more than a great title for an awesome porno. It's, in fact, a soft, creamy mixture of peanut butter and rich, lush dark chocolate.

I knew this thing was going to be awesome when I first opened the jar and saw that Jimmy had already eaten at least one third of the contents. That's usually a good sign (though not a guarantee--Jimmy likes eggplant, after all). So I spooned out just a tiny little taste of the Dark Chocolate Dreams and damn if this chocolate/peanut butter spread isn't one of the most delicious things I've ever put in my mouth. And I've put a lot of delicious things in my mouth!

But you know how you discover a new food item, buy it, and immediately start worrying about when it will be all gone? That's where I am with this snack now. Even though I know that the next time I have a low-blood-sugar I will be able to Nosedive Right into Dark Chocolate Dreams (also a great title for an awesome porno), there will come a time when the DCD will be gone. Sure, we can buy more, but that means having to leave the house.

What's worse: Zebra Cakes and Strawberry Cheesecake Haagen-Dazs are no longer good enough for me. My insulin reactions demand more. They Demand Dark Chocolate Dreams. (Also a great title for an awesome porno.)